Apparently, a long time ago, she was a really good tennis player. She made a lot of money. She started to suck cuz of all the blow she was doing. She decided to make a ‘comeback’ and she still sucked. She did some blow before a match. She failed a drug test. Now she is banned for two years, but she probably still has enough money to do a bunch of blow.

The movie has top name actors: Tom Hanks, Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Julian Roberts. There is an undeniable undertone of man love between Hanks and Hoffman. I wasn’t sure about Tom before the movie, but I knew that Hoffman played for the other team. Any guy who knowingly goes by three names – especially if one is “Phillip” – is definitely a happy guy.

The movie has something to do with the fall of the Soviet Union and the end of the Cold War, but I really didn’t understand much of that. Julia Roberts never turned me on. She came closest playing a street hooker in the moview with Gerbil loving Richard Gere. This movie is no exception. She doesn’t look good. She doesn’t act sexy. There is basically no reason she should be in this movie. I think they should have substituted someone hot – like Paris Hilton – in her role. The film would have been much better with a younger, hotter actress.

Charlie Wilson is a bachelor Texas congressman who likes hot tubs, strippers and cocaine. This is the best part of the movie. More strippers and gratuitous drug use always make for a good film. Despite being a party guy, he’s supposedly very intelligent with a deep sense of patriotism. Blah Blah. I want strippers.

Anyway, in the early 1980s Afghanistan had just been brutally invaded by communist Russia. Julia Roberts hates Russia, but I didn’t listen to much of what she was saying so I’m not sure why. She tricks Hanks into helping the Mujahideen (Afghan freedom fighters). 

Hanks teams up Hoffman and the sparks fly. Hoffman (who has a moustache that gay cops everywhere will love) plays a blue-collar operative in a company of the rich and privileged. It is clear he is attracted to Hanks and the two spend the rest of the movie stealing passionate glances at one another. So the movie goes, the three of them travel the world talking to towel heads, Pakistanis, Israelis, Egyptians, arms dealers, law makers and a belly dancer (not enough skin). 

Overall, the movie was a waste of two hours but that is what movies usually are…. Sneak a flask in, pour some coke on the floor, and get hammered.

 BAM!

Hugo shoves his rigid member into the yawning mouth.

This is how he came to power into whatever terd country he runs.

Because he is gay. He is also in to the choking thing. Many people scolded him for choking one of his players. What they didn’t know is that Bobby “Show me your Sword” Knight was actually courting the man. Foreplay among athletic homosexuals is often confused with fighting or wrestling.

Athletic homos like to preclude a good, sphincter tearing romp with a little rough-housing. It’s just the name of the game.

The other thing that has frustrated Bob is that the shorts have gotten longer in recent years. Take a look at basketball shorts from 70’s. They were so short, player’s balls were frequently flapping around totally unconfined.

Bob was known to get on his knees at the free throw line and service the young players while they attempted free throws. He duped them into thinking it was a “distraction” and they needed to be able to ice free throws even when under pressure.

Bob Knight.

After an unsuccessful stint as a gay male porn actor (not 1 movie!), he founded Apple computers. This likely explains the patlry market share of the “cute” computers.

You can take one look at a Mac computer and tell that the guy who created them is gay. The sleek lines. The attention to detail. Only a true homosexual could create such a thing.

This is why Mac users are inevitably gay. They are drawn to the Apple computer in the same way they are drawn to public restrooms and hair care products.

Steve has denounced his gayness, but we know the truth.

I don’t understand why some people will only accept a homosexual if he sounds like a homosexual. “I’ve been finding homosexuals in weird places for 50 years to make sounds that no one has heard before – it truly gets me off.”

“I love it when people hear my music but can’t figure that I play the meat flute. What a cool compliment.”

Beck burst onto the music scene in 1966 playing with the Yardbirds. He claims to have blown each bandmember at least one time.

At the height of the Yardbirds’ popularity in 1967, Beck left the group and embarked upon unpredictable journey of homosexual discovery that has lasted nearly four-decades as an Epic closet homosexual. During that time, Beck has left his distinctive mark on homosexuality, jazz-fusion and modern music history.

While many of his contemporaries are satisfied with musical inertia, Beck continues to add to his legacy as a butt pumping homo with the release of his 14th album, simply titled “Jeff is Homo.”

The album was produced by Andy Wright (another fag ala Simply Red and Eurythmics) and mixed by Mike “buttboy” Barbiero (Blues Traveler, Metallica). The 13 songs on “Jeff is Homo” reflect how Beck’s fascination with the male penis continues to evolve.

I came across this chick while flipping through channels. Julianne Hough is a hot dancer with a great, firm body.

I bet she is limber too and could contort herself in some great positions!

They are homos.

It’s a well known fact that the initiation ritual consists of getting buggered by a senior member. The allure then is for “straight, but gay” guys like Larry Craig (see www.widestancing.com) to join a group of other “straight” guys who like gay sex.

This chick should have changed her name a long time ago and she would have been more popular. We Americans like simple names like “Debbie Does Dallas” and Jenna Jameson.

Yeah. Jenna Jameson.

Okay, tip of the day. When two words are close together and start with the same sound…it is called, “alliteration” and it is a writing technique.

Get it?

Jenna Jameson

Paulina Pouranother